I wish I could of captured the moment I realised.
I sulked into the kitchen with a face on and announced that I’m going to be thirty this year. THREE ZERO, practically middle aged.
I know, I know that is a HUGE over exaggeration and I am in no way, shape or form middle aged. Inside I’m a screaming 16 year old trying to stop the bus and wondering where the hell the past 10+ years have gone. On the outside I’m a boring, late twenty year old mother who eats too much shite, hides in the house more then I should and hasn’t had a good night out for over 18 months.
Where did it all go wrong?
Funny thing is it hasn’t…I spent hours, days, weeks trying to work it out. I’m not alone in the hoards of about to turn thirties that have absolutely zero clue what I want to do with my life, what I am doing or what the hell my hairdressers name is. And that’s quite reassuring.
Everyone loves an honest blog post and I try to be as truthful and real as I can, only recently have I chucked a lot of stuff into the “fuck it” bucket and started to say what I really feel, stick up for the things I’m passionate about and stop caring about other peoples thoughts towards myself.
So as I sit here typing this post out, with no gas to put the heating on as the freelance lifestyle is hard guys. I’ve taken 200 pictures (selfies) on my phone to try and get some sort of relative image for this post, the pug keeps farting next to me and my fingers are slowly starting to freeze.
Shall we focus on some of the best things that have happened in my first 30 years on the planet?
I got decent GCSE grades.
Back then I hated school, one year I skipped school so much my mum nearly got in a lot of trouble, thankfully I gave my head a wobble and returned to study hard and get OKAY grades. They weren’t all A’s and the exam board did fuck up my marks which meant starting the wrong college course and getting an apology letter 2 months later with the correct marks. Cheers, for that.
I was a college drop-out.
I hated studying, and goodness knows why I thought college was going to be any different from school, it wasn’t. I remember getting stoned one lunch time with the class and just sitting there in floods of tears because the tutor had the most redneck american accent ever and I couldn’t handle it. That was pretty much the highlight.
I started working as soon as I dropped out and ventured into cinema, sports shops, restaurants, factory work. I’m quite thankful that I had the chance to try so many different things, although at the time of course, I hated it.
I moved my entire life.
I moved to Cheshire from Essex one month before my 18th birthday. I had family here and I was a bored, nightmare teen at home so I packed up the few boxes of things and moved 300 odd miles up to my dads.
I met my now husband, got pregnant and I became a teen mum. Hurrah!
I stumbled into a good career, accidentally.
My mother in law introduced me to the company where I worked for eight years.
I started off at the very bottom, and worked my way through various role changes and promotions to end up looking after some wonderful clients, being trusted to visit our partnerships and network and being part of the developments team coz I’m a techy nerd kinda person.
My children are beautiful.
I LOVE being a mum. Okay, sometimes I fucking hate it and could scream but most of the time, it’s great. I love the fact that these two little people want me to cuddle them before they go to bed at night. That my son likes me to sit on the bathroom floor and play eye spy while he has a poo. That my daughter loves me curling her hair or helping her pick out clothes and shoes to wear.
It’s not all sunshine and roses although now they are 10 and 7 it is much easier I have to say. We still get the strops, stomping, shouting, crying, not eating their dinner etc, just not as often.
They are turning into wonderful, thoughtful, clever little beings and my heart could burst with pride.
I’m married to my best friend.
We’ve been in a relationship for 12 years this year and married for 6 years in September. We’ve had a lot of ups and a lot of downs and a few disasters along the way BUT, I can happily say I am married to my best friend and I hope we get old together so I have someone to wipe my arse when I’m unable.
The most recent health scare is the reason that I started my new blog Fitcake and Ben is one of the reasons that I am so determined to live a healthier, happier lifestyle. You can’t buy time.
It hasn’t been too bad has it?
I’m all for looking forward now, the past has been and gone and there is nothing we can do to change this. I’ve got a small list of things I’d like to do as I head towards my thirties so I thought I’d share these with you and of course you know the drill, feel free to share your thoughts, feelings, goals and motivation in the comments.
Take the family on our first holiday abroad.
Finally buy and make a house our own.
Never give up blogging.
Encourage others to achieve their personal goals.
Spread more kindness around.
Campaign for animal rights, health and welfare here in the UK.
Live a more ethical lifestyle.
Run a marathon.
So yeah, basically I’m 30 this year and still have no idea how to do life. I hope you’ve enjoyed this post, I enjoy writing these kind of posts so much so definitely think it’ll become a regular feature.
Once again, don’t forget to share your goals with me. I’d really like to hear them and who knows, may be able to help?
– Emma Allen –
I’d love you to leave me a comment with your thoughts, opinions or questions.
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